These dreams were going to be the death of me! It’s like my life is in a never-ending dejavou series and I was an avid viewer! The previous night, I’d prayed before my slumber, lit some incense and went into slumber hoping that my thoughts and anger would subside. However, I still dreamed. I dreamed about looking into the hospital window at my newborn boy. I dreamed about placing my hand on the glass as I subliminally touched him. Though his brief moments on earth didn’t promise complete understanding, I mentally hoped that our connection was strong enough for him to know my thoughts. I wanted him to know that I was going to raise him the best of my ability. I wanted him to know that he was the reason that my life had encountered so much turmoil…it was to prepare myself to teach him what not to do. I wanted him to know that I would be there for him. I’d acquired the college paper to do so and I’d made a great life for myself for a reason. I’d never have to struggle because the money was a commodity in my life. I’d never have to work two jobs. I’d never leave him. He wouldn’t have to get horribly acquainted with random family members or mere loneliness…all because I’d pawned him off on a babysitter. He’d never have to find pleasure in personal satisfaction or have anything or anyone shield what he truly deserves and that is complete and utter happiness. I would teach him love. I would not make him completely oblivious to the world by making him think that near perfection was the norm. He’d know that the world was full of people with ill intentions and people that were unhappy and willing to press that unhappiness onto him. I’d accept him despite his flaws or his hobbies or his character or his sexual preference…because he was mine. He was an angel and I was his wing to make him fly. He was the plant and I was his roots to help him grow. He was a mere sentence and I possessed the words and wisdom to help finish his entire positive story. He was my heart and I was his vessels that kept him clear and open to receive and give ample love. He was me. I was him. I opened the door of the maternity ward nursery and walked up to my son. The nurse ensured that I’d washed my hands first. Then, she walked over to my seed and gently gripped his 6lb body into her hands as he lay limp in her palm, cuffing his soft head in her left hand. I smiled and she handed him to me. As I palmed him in my hands, his right eye flickered up and down and I was able to see one bright brown eye staring back at me. That was my confirmation. That was the sealing of the deal that the connection was real. He’d let me know that he heard my thoughts and would take me up on the offer. Then, his eyes closed again. I reached my head down briefly and kissed his cheek. I placed him back in his infant bed, thanked the nurse and walked out of the nursery. As I walked down the hall, I heard a code ‘blue’. I don’t really know exactly what that meant but what I did know was that it was, in fact, trouble in the maternity ward. A few nurses and a few doctors ran down the hall toward the nursery almost knocking me down in passing. Startled, I turned around and ran in the direction they were going. As I stood outside the window of that nursery, I saw them trying to revive my seed. He was unresponsive. He just lay there limp and lifeless. I continued to hear constant beeping sounds and all of the doctors and nurses stopped. One of the doctors grabbed a chart and a pen from the desk close-by and the other doctor looked at the clock as he recited the time of expiration. I screamed and dropped to my knees. They placed a blanket over him and one of the doctors walked out of the room. With a pale face and blank expression, he told me, “I’m sorry…” I tried to wake up from this nightmare but my body was consumed in it. It wouldn’t allow me to wake up. The room went blank and I was left to weep in complete darkness.
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Parents Determining the Fate of Your Mate
The honeymoon stage is simply marvelous! It emulates the euphoric feeling of playing hopscotch on clouds. If public displays of affection (PDAs) were illegal, the both of you would be repeated felons. This state of mind presents the idea that your love is an untainted love….a love that conquers all. That is, until its time to meet the family. If you share a sincere love, not infatuation, for your mate, you genuinely seek acceptance from their family. The women might question, “What do I wear?” The men might question, “What will I say?” But, the ultimate question that rings clear to both sexes is, “Will my impression on them impact my relationship?”
One of the general get-to-know-you questions during the courting stage involves the family. How many siblings to you have? What about your parents? Are you close to your Mom and Dad? In fact, some people equate respect for parents to respect within a relationship. However, how close is too close? In the St. Louis Area, the Mama’s boy/Daddy’s girl syndrome is alive and well. It’s the kind of parent-child relationship that prohibits the child of living an adult life on their own terms. A situation wherein the parent disapproves of everyone and the child follows lead. Is it possible to loosen those strings a bit? According to Sigmund Freud, this circumstance might be more complex than you think.
A condition called the Jocasta complex suggests why Mommy will never accept you. The Jocasta complex involves an extreme admiration that a mother has for their child. In reference to the child, it involves the Oedipus or Electra complex. Simply put, the Oedipus complex is a mental condition that fixates the son on his mother and Electra complex fixates the daughter on her father. This condition tends to trigger itself during childhood but remnants of it remain present in adulthood. For example, the Oedipus adult may seek a mate that fits the characteristics of the parent they idolize. Of course, these conditions can pose detrimental stress to a relationship. So when your mate starts to imitate the childhood game of “Mother May I?,” evaluate the situation carefully. You may be in for more than you bargained for.
One of the general get-to-know-you questions during the courting stage involves the family. How many siblings to you have? What about your parents? Are you close to your Mom and Dad? In fact, some people equate respect for parents to respect within a relationship. However, how close is too close? In the St. Louis Area, the Mama’s boy/Daddy’s girl syndrome is alive and well. It’s the kind of parent-child relationship that prohibits the child of living an adult life on their own terms. A situation wherein the parent disapproves of everyone and the child follows lead. Is it possible to loosen those strings a bit? According to Sigmund Freud, this circumstance might be more complex than you think.
A condition called the Jocasta complex suggests why Mommy will never accept you. The Jocasta complex involves an extreme admiration that a mother has for their child. In reference to the child, it involves the Oedipus or Electra complex. Simply put, the Oedipus complex is a mental condition that fixates the son on his mother and Electra complex fixates the daughter on her father. This condition tends to trigger itself during childhood but remnants of it remain present in adulthood. For example, the Oedipus adult may seek a mate that fits the characteristics of the parent they idolize. Of course, these conditions can pose detrimental stress to a relationship. So when your mate starts to imitate the childhood game of “Mother May I?,” evaluate the situation carefully. You may be in for more than you bargained for.
I've changed. Are you leaving me now?
Do you remember the Disney favorite movie, Aladdin? Jasmine, the princess was whisked away on a multi-colored carpet by Aladdin with tunes of “A Whole New World” following their trail. Or what about Beauty and the Beast in which Belle dug deep into a Beast’s soul to fall in love, ignoring his imperfections? However, let’s revamp this into our own movie. Let’s say that Jasmine and Aladdin had gotten married. Jasmine birthed multiple children and her flawless appearance started to morph into that of the Beast. Would Aladdin and Jasmine’s marriage be strong enough to endure her physical changes? What if, because of Jasmine’s imperfections, she changed?
According to psychology research at Washington University in St. Louis, MO, a physical appearance serves as the key factor in a person’s personality. In this experiment, individuals were asked to pose as they choose and judges were asked to interpret their personality from their pose. Essentially, the more insecure the pose, the more insecure the person might be. Imagine that insecure person within a relationship...a woman that comes into a relationship with the Barbie-reminiscent measurements that transform to Pillsbury Doughboy traits. This experiment conclusion is indicative that her personality likely transforms as does her shape. The initial attraction prior to establishing a relationship involves the personality! Therefore, this transformed mate could, in essence, become a complete stranger.
Aside from confident individuals that accept themselves as they are, we now have one of two issues. You have a mate that has become unappealing to the eye, thus causing the other party to lack attraction to them. Or, you have a mate that has become unappealing to the eye and created this illusion that they are unattractive to their mate. Both issues present stress on a relationship. It becomes almost detrimental to a relationship to not enhance that flawed self-image through simply correcting the imperfections and tackling the mind… the gate to all the insecurities.
According to psychology research at Washington University in St. Louis, MO, a physical appearance serves as the key factor in a person’s personality. In this experiment, individuals were asked to pose as they choose and judges were asked to interpret their personality from their pose. Essentially, the more insecure the pose, the more insecure the person might be. Imagine that insecure person within a relationship...a woman that comes into a relationship with the Barbie-reminiscent measurements that transform to Pillsbury Doughboy traits. This experiment conclusion is indicative that her personality likely transforms as does her shape. The initial attraction prior to establishing a relationship involves the personality! Therefore, this transformed mate could, in essence, become a complete stranger.
Aside from confident individuals that accept themselves as they are, we now have one of two issues. You have a mate that has become unappealing to the eye, thus causing the other party to lack attraction to them. Or, you have a mate that has become unappealing to the eye and created this illusion that they are unattractive to their mate. Both issues present stress on a relationship. It becomes almost detrimental to a relationship to not enhance that flawed self-image through simply correcting the imperfections and tackling the mind… the gate to all the insecurities.
Soul-Endearing Communication Within A Relationship
It’s her birthday. He struts into the house with a huge box wrapped in colorful paper and adorned with a fluffy red bow. She doesn’t hesitate to tear away the disguise to reveal her surprise. After the first tear, she catches a glimpse of some type of technical device. She reasons to herself, “Boy, he’s so clever…hiding my shoes in this box!” She winks at him as she yanks away the last piece of tape. She reveals a new stereo system. Her smile disappears. Visibly more excited then she, he utters, “So what do you think? Do you like it?” She recalls their stroll through Wal-mart recently where he’d bounced like a candy-ridden kid, presenting that same stereo system to her….the stereo system that he wanted. What about all the hints she was throwing? Was he that clueless that everything she’d hinted about went directly over his head? Was he even listening? She’d been waiting on those shoes…already had a matching outfit draped across the guest room bed with the perfect accessories beside it! Angry, she stumped out of the room in tears as he trailed behind, saying, “What’d I do?”
He may have heard those hints being tossed around but, in actuality, he wasn’t listening. It’s all about the communication! Communication reigns as one of the top reasons relationships fail. St. Louis blogger, Gi Gi Hayden, gives a valid example of failed communication in her blog, Selective Hearing Means You Don’t Listen Anymore. She depicts a reasonable, un-nagging mate who never cried wolf yet when she needed his helping hand, he didn’t come running. He just wasn’t listening. Not just general talking to each other…I mean listening with arched ears to everything of importance to your mate, not just selective hearing. Not just brief stints of random communication either…I mean deep, soul-endearing conversations. St. Louis author and CEO of FaceRomance presents the step-by-step process of how to have engaging conversations. This sound advice serves as a remedy to selective hearing because the interest remains peaked.
Of course, we aren’t in a perfect world where fluent communication warrants full agreement at all times. There will be times of disagreement. The key to a healthy relationship is knowing how to battle those disparaging times…knowing how to have a fair argument. And don’t forget about that body language because crossed arms do not invite resolutions.
Releasing Baggage
I am not there yet but I can tell you this—I won’t get there if I don’t constantly evaluate who surrounds me. Have you ever heard the phrase, birds of a feather flock together? Sometimes, it’s an unfair phrase. Opportunities lost because of your surroundings. Connections missed. And the horrible part about it is that you are an outstanding person. It’s the people surrounding you that drag you down. But, what can you do if you don’t continue to evaluate your life and those around you. Take a few minutes to complete this exercise. Think about the 5 closest people in your life outside of your family and jot them down on a piece of paper, leaving spaces between each name. Now, under each name, write 5 positive things they’ve brought to your life in the last 1 year. These answers should flow freely. When you’ve completed this exercise, review it. Think about what’s most important in your life. Do your answers fall in line with what’s important to you? If not, you have some decisions to make to be on your way.
~~Tara (Tar-An)
Avoidable Stress
Who has stressed you out? Who has disrespected you, neglected you, hurt you, misunderstood you, lost faith in you, violated you or betrayed you? How many times did you wonder what a person was THINKING when they committed this negative deed? But really…do you know where the audacity came from? A person’s interaction with others involves SO much more than just 1-on-1. It involves their life, their habits…their day. A big percentage of a person’s emotional energy is either trapped in the past or stuck worrying about the future. In other worHowever, we need to learn to release that negative energy and BREAK THE DOMINO EFFECT!
ds, it is just not available to you. So, on any given day you might start the day with as little as 45-50% of potentially available energy. Then the day most probably continues with events/people/places zapping energy from you, rather than adding to or nourishing you. Just imagine how much positive energy a person might be lacking by the time that they attend to matters involving you! For this very reason, whenever people generate personal turmoil within you, it’s important to take them with a grain of salt. If you have any grudges that you currently have, it’s crucial for you to LET IT GO! Yes, they may have been foul! Yes, they may have hurt you! Yes, you both may still have contradicting thoughts on who was right or who was wrong!
ds, it is just not available to you. So, on any given day you might start the day with as little as 45-50% of potentially available energy. Then the day most probably continues with events/people/places zapping energy from you, rather than adding to or nourishing you. Just imagine how much positive energy a person might be lacking by the time that they attend to matters involving you! For this very reason, whenever people generate personal turmoil within you, it’s important to take them with a grain of salt. If you have any grudges that you currently have, it’s crucial for you to LET IT GO! Yes, they may have been foul! Yes, they may have hurt you! Yes, you both may still have contradicting thoughts on who was right or who was wrong!
~~Tara (Tar-An)
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