Random Thoughts #21 - Know the Difference

Those that know me well know that I’ve dealt with a lot of past heartache--and that heartache has created a shield—a protection from future pain.  If a person hurts me or gives me the inkling of potential hurt, I simply block them.  It has been successful in protecting my heart.  But, having this sort of defense mechanism does two things: it makes it too easy and it makes an assumption (and sometimes an inaccurate one).  Life has its obstacles, its ups and downs, and many people say if you don’t allow yourself to experience, you don’t grow to your full potential.  Experiencing things, whether good or bad, makes you stronger.  Blocking people (or experiences) not only blocks the person, it blocks you from a potential lesson.  Yes, it makes things easy; your heart remains intact—but that’s all it does!  Blocking also creates an assumption, especially when you have an inkling of potential hurt.  An inkling is simply a perception.  You ‘perceive’ that a certain action could hurt you in the future so you react.  But, before you react, it warrants a discussion with the other person to eliminate the perception or assumption. 

 

Looking at my Facebook or Instagram block list or my cell phone block list, I see a long list of names and numbers.  If I take a moment to evaluate each encounter and what caused the demise, I see that in hindsight, sometimes it really wasn’t that serious.  But, the reality is that people act off of impulse when it comes to matters of the heart.  And, sometimes, time heals wounds.  And sometimes, we took the easy road out without dealing with the situation.  When reading an article on Psychology Today, I read a statement that said, “We live in a world where people—even those we once loved—are treated as if they were disposable.  Without even talking about the issue, we move away from friends and family who disappoint us, and without so much as a goodbye, they are out of our lives.”  It goes on to say that, “If you just disappear without saying what went wrong, that person won’t have the chance to make up for the pain you felt and may still feel.” 

 

We need to learn the difference between protecting ourselves and seeing people as disposable.  People are imperfect.  They make bad decisions and act on impulses (I know I have a slew of things I’ve done wrong).  When we simply cut someone off without working on it, we block ourselves from the opportunity of saving the relationship and growing as a person.  I don’t know about anyone else but, many times, I’ve blocked someone out of my life and later regretted it.  And, once you do it, you can’t just rewind—because you robbed the other person of an explanation or an apology.  So, one thing I vow to start doing in 2017 is to talk things out before blocking.  That’s not to say I won’t still protect my heart—it’s saying I will gather solid facts before making a decision.  Not assume.  Not hold onto resentment.  Not regret it in the future.  I will handle it now to the best of my ability and take responsibility for my own actions before coming to a conclusion.  And I hope that’s what you do too.