You meet a guy (or gal).
You date for—let’s say—2 or 3 months.
Although the two of you do exclusive things (if you know what I mean),
you are not exclusive. One day, out of
the blue, he/she asks you for money. Not
a massive amount, just enough to pay a small bill. What to you take from this favor? Do you offer it freely? Are you
offended?
I recall having a conversation with a friend a few months
ago and she said that the ultimate form of disrespect was a man asking for
money. That was her deal-breaker. She’d give him a piece of her mind and go the
opposite direction. But, nowadays, times
have changed. Roles have been reversed
in dating. People no longer adhere to prehistoric
views of the ‘men as providers’.
I’d even venture to say that, in certain cities and states,
the SugarMomma mentality has become the new normal. In the St. Louis area, I’ve seen too many
times when women take on the role of the breadwinner in a relationship or even
just dating. I’ve seen men live
rent-free, get chauffeured around or even drive the woman’s vehicle regularly, receive
gifts and get bills paid by the woman.
To some men, meeting a successful woman has changed from finding ‘the
ideal woman’ to finding ‘a come-up’. And
we, as women, are partially to blame. We
lower our expectations. For reasons of
low self-esteem, scarcity in the male single population, longevity of being single
and the ticking biological clock, we make exceptions. Sometimes, we make it okay for the roles to
reverse.
I’m not just going to be bias on this topic because I’m a
woman either. I’ve also seen women with
this same SugarDaddy mentality, seeing successful men as a ‘come-up’ rather
than a solid suitor. Either is not okay
while dating. People should be judged
not by the green in their wallet or bulge in their Michael Kors purse but by
their character.
Then, there’s the difference between a money favor happening
during dating or relationship. It seems
to be more permissive when a relationship has been established. It’s more of a give and take. More concrete. The person is less likely to fear being used. Now, dating is a completely different
arena. A man (or woman) is 3 weeks into
dating and asks, “Can you let me hold about $100? I can’t pay my cell bill this month.” Now, that is a no-go! You don’t know each other well enough to ask
favors like that! A person starts to
question what this courtship is really about—are they a trick and don’t know
it?!
Then, we (men or women) have to consider that we may be
dating a financial opposite. For
example, if he’s 2 years your elder with a couple credit hours at a community college
and happily working at McDonalds but she’s twice degreed with a salary and a
mortgage, maybe the two of you or unevenly-yoked. And this goes both ways, if he has his MBA
and has a management role at a Fortune 500 company and she has a GED and does
hair out of her cousin’s basement with no cosmetology license, then maybe the
two of you aren’t a good match. It’s not
to judge a person; it’s just to recognize that the two don’t mesh
financially. It has the potential to
cause conflict later in some situations.
It we take a biblical approach to this topic, we know that
men are seen as the provider. Yes, we
are so far from that old school view but, really, how far away from that mindset
should we stray?! I read an article
recently that gives a male point-of-view on this topic. One man says that what’s good for the goose
is good for the gander, meaning that if she can receive, she can also
give. Another man goes as far as calling
the old school view childish. Statistics
show that, for the first time ever, there are more women receiving college
degrees than men. The latest recession
has hit men far harder than women, possibly causing this role shift. But, are people (men or women) using their financial
situations as an excuse? I mean, as long
as you are able-bodied, you should be able to achieve the same things. Is it pure laziness from one side? So, why does one person have to play the role
of SugarMomma or SugarDaddy?
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