The Boy Who Cried Ailment

            Google obliterated Stewart.  His work stacked on his desk, untouched, while he surfed a search engine, packed with answers and remedies and explanations. So, they told him that they no longer required his services and he left. 

            Stewart blamed the economy for the job market, entertaining his boredom with ailments.  When he awoke from awkwardly-positioned slumber, he convinced himself that his leg pain resulted from prolonged sitting in front of his computer.  Per Google, it’s a case of deep venous thrombosis and, if ignored, the blood clot would spread throughout his body, poisoning his system and killing him instantly.  He informed his roommate, Dave, about his upcoming demise.  Dave asked if he was kidding.

           

            The next day, while he and Dave puffed on a joint, Stewart noticed a cluster of tiny moles on his arm.  He retreated to the computer and checked with Google. It was Melanoma—the only explanation for nodding on the lawn chair in the 90-degree sun.  The computer screen sectioned off into dots—then, faded away.  Craig awoke to a paramedic hovering over his face, calling his name.  Dave’s voice echoed a dude-is-he-okay? in the background.  After testing his vitals, the paramedics deemed him healthy and left.  Dave asked if he was insane.

           

            The following day, Craig searched Google for remedies.  To get rid of the deep venous thrombosis and melanoma, so treacherous, so microscopic, that nobody could detect it.  Google directed him to a holistic healing camp called Blue Deer in New York—where he’d learn that the medicine of old culture could exert a powerful effect.  So, he packed his bags and left.

           

            Craig arrived back home 3 weeks later, refreshed, reinvigorated, full of life—convinced that he’d healed himself of his deadly ailments.   As he unpacked his bags, Dave joked about his camp, calling him Amish.   Craig dismissed his insult and went back to unpacking.  His arm tingled.  Chest pressure forced him to the floor.  Dave ran back into the room, finding Craig crouched down, holding his chest.  He shook his head and walked back into the living room.  When Dave didn’t hear him get back up, he decided to contact the paramedics.

           

            Craig lay in the hospital, attached to heart monitors.  His mother flew into town after hearing about the heart attack.  He told her that he’d been proactive about his health.  He wondered why Dave didn’t believe him and she simply told him that nobody believes a liar—even when he is telling the truth.