Today's subject is about 'soulmates.' I've always believed that everyone has a person created specifically for them. However, the question is, how do you know when you've met that person? I mean, there's so many people in this world! What are the odds that with all these people, you are guaranteed that you're soulmate is somewhere near? I find that people fall in love (or fall in extreme like) and toss that 'soulmate' label around. The idea is that if you have such extreme feelings for someone--you have sooo many things in common--that this person MUST be your soulmate.
I've been a victim of that fallacy. I met someone once. We had so many things in common. We finished each other's sentences. We like the same foods. Enjoyed the same music. It was like my heart beat in a natural and synced rhythm as his. I had it bad. Unfortunately, we had a LOT of problems. Infidelity. Lies. Confusion. Financial issues. Control issues. The list goes on and on. Yet, despite the fact the the issues outweighed the good, I still felt that he was my 'soulmate.' Eventually and inevitably, we parted.
Now, 5 or 6 years have past and I was still stuck with the idea that my soulmate had slipped through my fingers. Of course, the next fallacy would be that you only get one soulmate. If you miss each other, you just miss each other. So, any future relationships are just in vain. So, in my mind, I conjured up the idea that I would wait. Wait until he settled. Wait until he realized that I was his soulmate--that we were destined to be together. I just waited. Sabotaged any new courtships that I've had for the past 5 or 6 years because I had to be available when he returned. I just waited. Dated people that were unavailable physically, emotionally and mentally because I had to be available when he returned.
I made the decision to change myself. Make some improvements so that when he came back, I would knock his socks off from the new Tara! So he would know that I was 'da bomb' and wonder why he ever left to begin with! See, the things you do for the sake of a 'soulmate' are endless. And the things you will do when your mind conjures up this fallacy will amaze you. I waited for 5 or 6 years without even knowing that I was doing it.
But, here's when I knew. I found out that he'd gotten married yesterday. He got married a year ago. And I suddenly realized that my soulmate may have been someone else's soulmate. Besides, I was the one that stamped that label on him. I considered our past--our issues. Understood that having a soulmate isn't forced, it just IS. I appreciated the fact that since our previous relationship was forced, he must NOT have been my soulmate after all! And that means, my soulmate is still out there. I just wish that I would have had this epiphany 5 or 6 years ago. Then, I wouldn't have start a healing process that should have been handled years ago and feel like it just ended yesterday.
Life is a journey. You really need to be careful about the ideas that your thoughts create. Be conscious about what's realistic and what isn't. It might be years late but I'm glad it happened, nonetheless.
-Tara
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