Random Thoughts # 4: Fallacy vs. Reality

    Today's subject is about 'soulmates.'  I've always believed that everyone has a person created specifically for them.  However, the question is, how do you know when you've met that person?  I mean, there's so many people in this world! What are the odds that with all these people, you are guaranteed that you're soulmate is somewhere near?  I find that people fall in love (or fall in extreme like) and toss that 'soulmate' label around.  The idea is that if you have such extreme feelings for someone--you have sooo many things in common--that this person MUST be your soulmate. 
     I've been a victim of that fallacy.  I met someone once.  We had so many things in common.  We finished each other's sentences.  We like the same foods.  Enjoyed the same music.  It was like my heart beat in a natural and synced rhythm as his.  I had it bad.  Unfortunately, we had a LOT of problems.  Infidelity.  Lies.  Confusion.  Financial issues.  Control issues.  The list goes on and on. Yet, despite the fact the the issues outweighed the good, I still felt that he was my 'soulmate.'  Eventually and inevitably, we parted. 
     Now, 5 or 6 years have past and I was still stuck with the idea that my soulmate had slipped through my fingers.  Of course, the next fallacy would be that you only get one soulmate.  If you miss each other, you just miss each other.  So, any future relationships are just in vain.  So, in my mind, I conjured up the idea that I would wait.  Wait until he settled.  Wait until he realized that I was his soulmate--that we were destined to be together.  I just waited.  Sabotaged any new courtships that I've had for the past 5 or 6 years because I had to be available when he returned.  I just waited.  Dated people that were unavailable physically, emotionally and mentally because I had to be available when he returned. 
     I made the decision to change myself.  Make some improvements so that when he came back, I would knock his socks off from the new Tara!  So he would know that I was 'da bomb' and wonder why he ever left to begin with!  See, the things you do for the sake of a 'soulmate' are endless.  And the things you will do when your mind conjures up this fallacy will amaze you.  I waited for 5 or 6 years without even knowing that I was doing it. 
     But, here's when I knew.  I found out that he'd gotten married yesterday.  He got married a year ago.  And I suddenly realized that my soulmate may have been someone else's soulmate.  Besides, I was the one that stamped that label on him.  I considered our past--our issues.  Understood that having a soulmate isn't forced, it just IS.  I appreciated the fact that since our previous relationship was forced, he must NOT have been my soulmate after all!  And that means, my soulmate is still out there.  I just wish that I would have had this epiphany 5 or 6 years ago.  Then, I wouldn't have start a healing process that should have been handled years ago and feel like it just ended yesterday. 
     Life is a journey.  You really need to be careful about the ideas that your thoughts create.  Be conscious about what's realistic and what isn't.  It might be years late but I'm glad it happened, nonetheless.

-Tara

Random Thoughts #3- Personal Exploration

Let me be completely transparent with you.  At one point and time, I was (what they call) a free spirit.  I went where ever the wind blew me.  If I never did it, my goal was to try it once.  I appreciated that lifestyle too.  I bragged about it--got off from the idea of shocking others. That's where my self-confidence came from. Either you got on board with it or I left you behind.  But, through experience, I learned that a person can live as a free spirit for so long before it catches up to them.  Bad decisions. Naivety. You find yourself backed into a wall, forced to change--forced to conform to the lifestyle of a regular person.  A person that thinks before they act.  A person that watches people's actions rather than listens to their words.  I decided to re-evaluate my friendships and realized that I'd been surrounded by people that embraced the old Tara.  They liked my excitement--the thrill they got from my spontaneous lifestyle.  I'd been oblivious to their using.  The one-sided friendships.  The mismatched friendships.  In a sense, I'd victimized myself for allowing this for soooo long.  So, I cleaned slate.  Deleted everyone from my life.  Breaking attachments from long-standing friendships are just as bad as intimate relationships, I tell ya!  It's been a year since I cleaned house and I still find myself picking up the phone with nobody to call just to tell someone about my day.  I could almost suffocate in my home because I've forced myself to be a homebody.  There's even times that I decide that reconnecting with past friends would be easier then this self-inflicted torture.  But, I always catch myself because it's better to move forward than live in the past.  I'm only fearing the future.  I'm only fearing myself.  And I'm getting to know Tara.  My likes.  My desires.  My pet peeves.  What makes me smile.  What I can do that entertains me.  How to make decisions based off of my well-being.  How to heal.  How to be smart.  It's a struggle but I love me enough to explore those things.