Upon acquiring my last degree, one thing seems to be stamped in my memory, Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.
Let me explain if you've never heard of it. The idea is that everyone has one need that trumps all others. It's the one thing that is most important to you right now. And these needs can change. As you grow, as your personality changes and life happens, your ultimate need shifts. According to Maslow, your needs are broken up into self-actualization (which includes morality, spontaneity, facts), esteem (which includes confidence, accomplishment, respect, acchievement), love/belonging (which includes family, friends, relationship, sex), safety (which includes security of body, employment, resources, family, health, property) and, last but not least, physiological (which includes breathing, food, water, sleep, peace, the simple things).
The reason I'm touching on this topic is because I find it to be so true in my own life. I've gotten a book deal, published my first book, gotten a promotion, acquired my 3rd degree, purchased a new car, moved into a pretty decent townhome...but I find that none of those things contribute to my happiness. From the outside looking in, someone might think that I'm doing well in my life right now--I've achieved some level of success. But, in reality, those accomplishments are empty if your ultimate need is not met. It's almost like when you see celebrities like Brittney Spears or Lindsay Lohan. They have the success, popularity...yet they are unhappy. I think, it's because they're ultimate need hasn't been met.
My ultimate need is love/belonging. That's something I don't have in a few areas. On one side, my family is so segregated that I don't have the comfort of feeling an overwhelming amount of love from them. It comes in pieces--and only during certain times--and only if they decide to call/or stop by or I decide to do the same. The fact is--we are not close-knit and I've always been a family-oriented person. On the other side, I don't receive love in the form of a relationship. I haven't had a relationship in almost 7 years (with the exception of one that last for 2 months). My dating experiences have been discouraging and, to be honest, the thought of the men I've encountered lately makes me want to throw up. Lastly, there's the belonging part. I've always been surrounded by friends. As I've grown and changed, I've removed the majority of them out of my life. It was an intentional thing. But, not having someone to talk to or lean on becomes really old, really quick. This love/belonging thing is literally eating me alive. It's like if I don't have it, I can't breathe right. Like it's cutting of my circulation--not giving me something to look forward to.
When you have an ultimate need that isn't being met, it negates everything else positive going on in your life. And the problem is, any inkling of potentially having that need being met, you latch onto and hold on for dear life. Since mine is love/belonging, I cling to people, trust too easily, make bad decisions in regards to dating. When something in regards to love/belonging fails, I'm crushed. I take it harder than the average person. It's like experiencing death.
My question is, though, how do you cope with the lack thereof of an ultimate need until it arrives? I would imagine that most people can't cope, they just exist--or concede to not existing anymore.
And, what's your ultimate need? How far would you go for that need? What is most important to you that negates anything else? Is it esteem--do you focus all your time and efforts on work or school--is work/school the main thing that makes you feel good about yourself? Is it morality--do you harp on honesty--are you a stickler for facts--would you end a relationship because you dislike someone's moral value? Or is it safety--is your only worry that you keep a roof above your head and a steady paycheck coming in--are you a fitness fanatic? Or is it the basics--do you just want to be peaceful and eat, sleep and live?
Now that you have considered what your ultimate need is, consider this. What if you haven't achieved it? How do you cope?
